He was so small

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No matter what you say, or how you try to avoid it, the end of a year is a time of reflection. As a parent, that time goes further than the current year. For some reason 2015 just seems insane. 1999 was 16 years ago. Holy crap! Even worse, for me, 2006 was now 9 years ago.NINE! My little boy,not so little anymore, will be 9 this year. And he was so small. download (1) This year brought about so many new adventurous things for both of us. He grew so much socially this year, which is more amazing than I can even say. He found friends, not that he didn’t have them before, but he really started to appreciate them and want to see them after school, something that he hasn’t wanted to do until this year. download (3) So he had play-dates…without me (huge step) and he did great. He had a great time, and I learned to enjoy a few hours by myself. He even went on a train ride without me, and did wonderfully, had an amazing time and I survived too. IMG_4539

But…he was so small…download (4)

His little hands, hands that barely could hold on to mine, use to reach me for all time…now they reach for the world. His little feet, feet that he had to learn to stand on, can’t keep up with his endless energy. download (2)

I used to be able to hold him in my arms, pick him up with ease, play endless games of chutes and ladders. Now he covers my whole body, I have to lift weights for a month to prepare to pick him up, and Mario has replaced Candyland long ago. Still..he was so small.

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This year is coming to a close, and it was an amazing year. I will have another blog about my memory jar, but as I was putting my son to bed, knowing that some day he will be off. College, marriage, where ever his life takes him, knowing that some day it will only be me, my husband and Mr. Blue…download (7)I got a little sentimental. I want to hold on to him so much, I want to let him fly. I want to be there when he falls, I want him to learn to pick himself back up. You never know when the last time you will do something. The last time you read Goodnight Moon…the last time you sing a lullaby, the last time you give them a bottle, or change their diaper, the last time you put them in that T-rex shirt. If I have learned nothing else as a mother, I have learned to cherish each and every moment, even the bad ones. It is hard in the moment, but in retrospect, I try so hard to remember that the four-hour shopping trip that would have taken 20 minutes had we not stopped to sniff all the boxes (I am not kidding that happened once), will be missed when he is off having his own kids. I know there will be a day when I would give anything to have him driving the shopping cart into store displays. I know playing one more round of Mario will seem like a day in Heaven…every moment should be cherished, even the not so great ones. It is okay to want to throw Pete the Cat in the trash – just don’t lose the moments…because someday they won’t be…

…so small…

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