I had a bad day. Like one of those days that would be comic if it happened in a comedy. But this was’t a comedy, this was my life and it was a bad day.
The day started out just fine and dandy. Went to work, worked, picked Cody up…it was from about 4:30 on that the day really went to shit. I got into a minor car accident (everyone was fine, mild damage just one of those things). The lady that hit me was 101 years old. (you read that right…101 years old. I was pulling out of a gas station and she didn’t see me. Her exact words were “I didn’t see her until I hit her”. She told me (and the officer that came to help) that she was 101 and “didn’t need this nonsense” Yeah I didn’t either.
I walked outside and my hand, due to arthritis, decided it would be a good time to just stop being a hand and let go of my phone, directly on top of the concrete patio. Murphy’s law played in and the phone landed, face down. I knew before I picked it up that it was going to be ruined. Yep – looked like someone tapped danced on it. My bad day just got horrible.
It continued its downward spiral when I realized that because I live in New York, a no fault state, the accident was going to fall on my insurance (can’t wait to see what that’ll do to our rates). I went to bed that night with a migraine and woke up with it still raging.The next evening I had a dentist appointment so more fun was in store for me. (see the post about dentist). The migraine, incidentally, didn’t ease up for four days. As one who suffers from them, this wouldn’t be anything new, but I am sure the accident and drilling the next day didn’t help any.
So… depressed, worried, frustrated, anxious, pissed, and just completely done I went to bed Friday night. My mood didn’t improve much thanks to having to spend over 300 to get my screen fixed. (as a side note here: I-fix-screens – in Riverhead NY is amazing. The guys there are super nice, and knowledgeable, and phone looks exactly like it did before I smashed it. They were just amazing.) That didn’t stop me from being down right snippy. That night I had a dream:
It was like the movie 13 going on 30 in reverse. Somehow I was in high school and dating this awful jerk I dated then, but I knew my life now…knew my husband, Cody etc. He was trying to convince me to quit my job and go work at this other restaurant, which actually happened, but in the dream I told him to get bent. I told him that because of him, I ruined a good friendship, that I had trust issues, that I missed out on going to college. It was my chance to change all that…but when I woke up (in a major panic) it occurred to me that I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t change dating him, breaking up, leaving my good job for the crappy one. I wouldn’t change the other men I dated and and broke up with, I wouldn’t change the other jobs I had and left for various reasons. I wouldn’t change a single freaking moment of my life. The good, the bad, the ugly. Not one thing. Because even the shitty things that have happened have lead to some amazing outcomes. And all roads have led me right here. To my family.
There is a Buddhist saying by Thich Nhat Hanh “No mud, no lotus” You must rise above the muck, when you do you can see the real beauty in life. I believe in balance in everything. Light to dark, day to night, summer to winter. Balance. The Yin and Yang. So when I have a crap day in my otherwise decent little life I need to remember that while it is okay to feel sorry for myself, it is not okay to let it overwhelm me and keep from living. Keep me from learning a lesson.
No mud, not lotus.