The Other side of Marriage

 

People change in ten years. My husband and I aren’t the same people we were when we first met; no one would expect you to be the same. So much has changed in our lives for us to not change would be impossible. When we first met we could go to a bar on weekday night, have a few too many and go to work the next day. Now, if I have one glass of wine I get a headache and hate myself the next day. When we first met, the only responsibilities we had were monthly bills, maybe making food once in awhile, showing up at that place that pays you money so you can afford said food. Now we have actual careers, we have a kid that we are trying to keep alive, we have bodies we are trying keep healthy.

When we met, we didn’t talk much on big issues. Could be because we weren’t bombarded with them daily (hourly it seems if you get the news updates to your phone). Could be we didn’t care as much. Could be that we were too busy with our own little lives. Now, we think about the future a lot. Not just for us, in fact less for us and more for our son. The future is for him and his children after all. Now, we pay attention to the news. Now, we stand up for what we believe in. Sometimes, we have to stand up to each other.

My husband and I agree on a lot of big issues, thankfully. We agree on a woman’s right to choose, we agree on climate change, we agree on the importance of the arts, we agree equal rights (that’s actually a huge one). We don’t agree 100% on other things. Which is fine. You aren’t meant to agree all the time. The issue that I have is when the person you are married to likes things that go against who you are. To your core. For example, a blogger named Matt Walsh ranted about the women’s march and how it was basically a waste of time. Women have rights he said. There is nothing to march about. You can read the whole thing here. And if you want to ruin your day you can check out his blog here.  The guy is a misogynist at best, but that is the kind of person my husband “likes” on Facebook. Another person is this Julie something or other, I can’t commit her name to memory. Both of them seem to think the march was a huge waste of time. OR they pick ONE thing about the march and write off the whole movement. Just a bunch of liberal feminists mucking up my Saturday.

I went to the march. Not the big one in Washington, but a sister march on Long Island. I went and stood with over 2,000 other PEOPLE, not just women, and peacefully stood up for a variety of things. Here is my sign: img_2419

You can clearly see that issues I was marching for are more than just women’s rights. It was for all the things the new administration has threatened to take away.

  • Women’s right to choose
  • Funding for the Arts
  • Funding and continued support of Climate change
  • Equality
  • End Racism
  • Keeping Planned Parenthood

Those were what most of the signs were saying too. My sister’s sign, as you can see, said the same thing. Most of the signs I saw were for women’s rights, or to not build a wall. But for some reason, people like this Matt character and this Julie person seem to find one issue that we are concerned about and make that the issue. They find one point and get all upset and have to turn the whole thing into a personal agenda against them. And the person I am married to likes that.

So we fought. We fought when he liked that Matt guys post. For the record, I am HORRIBLE at fighting. I never know what to say until after the fight is over,  I can never formulate my opinions into words, and he always walks away victorious. He says he liked one point in Matt’s article. Didn’t necessarily agree with the whole thing, but thought he had a few good points. Now, in my opinion, you shouldn’t like something just because you like one thing. If that is the case then you would say, “oh gee Trump is bigot BUT he is going to lower my taxes so I guess that is pretty awesome, I will go vote for him”…wait…that actually happened…never mind, I guess you can stupidly like something even if you morally disagree with the rest of the statement.

Julie’s argument was something about a sign that said something along the lines of “Your guns shouldn’t have more rights than woman’s” or some such bull shit. Now, I agree that sign is bit off. Guns don’t have rights. They are inanimate objects for goodness sake. Does my lamp have rights? No! Of course not! I think the sign holder may have meant gun owners shouldn’t have more rights than women. In which, I agree. However, they don’t. You are comparing apples to oranges. Does a gun owner get to choose what to do with their body? Yes, but only if it is a male. If you are female gun owner you still have no choice (or will have no choice soon). Does a gun owner get paid fairly? Yes, but only if that gun owner is man; if it is female gun owner than no, you don’t. So yes- I agree Julie – the sign is stupid. HOWEVER, I would not make fun of the entire march just because of ONE FUCKING SIGN! I would not “clean my gun with Liberals Tears” because I disagreed with ONE FUCKING SIGN. And it is posts like this that my husband agrees with and it pisses me off.

What it boils down to is liking or agreeing with someone you wouldn’t be friends with. Or who you wouldn’t leave your kid with. Does Julie make a good point about the gun sign, sure…but that doesn’t make her or her views right. Especially when she has to make fun of the other “side” to prove her point. Did Matt have some good points – well no – but if he ever does all of a sudden make him an okay guy? No. So why give them the clicks, why give them the recognition. If no one likes their shit no one else will have to see it. Maybe they will shut up and go away. I understand this goes two ways, so if you don’t like everything I stand for, I am perfectly okay with you not following or liking this blog.

I don’t know the answer to the argument. Do we agree to disagree? Do we continue arguing for the next four years? I honestly don’t know the answer. I don’t plan to stop fighting. Barry McGuire said “And marches alone can’t bring integration, When human respect is disintegratin’…” He is absolutely right. The March was just the beginning. If Matt or Julie or anyone else out there thinks we are going to continue to watch this happen, they are wrong. All this did is was organize us. We won’t stop fighting for the future. If we get in your way, maybe you could try to join us instead.

PS: If you don’t think Trump and his administration are doing the things we were marching for here is some light reading for you:

Immigration 

Climate Change 

Women’s Rights 

Trumps Executive orders so far

 

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One comment

  1. Grampa · January 25

    expressive thought and tolerance of other notions may Be a stronger bond than that of similar mind of viewpoint. Ones difference is an immeasurable consequence , While a singular point of commonality is a leaver to sustain life.

    A root drawers water from the ground to the leaf and the leaf turns the sun and the water into breathable air. This life giving cycle is mimicked in the animal world and the branch and leaf are connected yet have two very separate roles : leaf absorbs the light and Through photosynthesis turns that into life. Both acting separately and In harmoney . The root draw l moisture from the ground and nourishes the leaf and the leaf transforms all this to life giving oxygen

    that Bond is knot unlike that of wife and husband where each strength is transformed separately and dependent upon the other

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